With little over three months to go before Giovanni Trappatoni leads his Republic of Ireland squad out to face Croatia in their opening game of Euro 2012, pressure has begun to mount on the much-decorated septuagenarian to alter the life-long philosophy that earned him legendary status in the 1970’s and 80’s. The ex-Red Bull Salzburg supremo and current Vatican City XI boss, however, maintains an almost Papal infallibility in the eyes of some, and himself appears unwilling to change his conservative ways. At a recent press conference to unveil the Republic’s official Euro 2012 kit, the man who lead Italian minnows Juventus to the European Cup (27 years ago) said, “If you don’t have possession, you can’t lose it – it’s a simple philosophy, but it works"
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| The Republic of Ireland's official Euro 2012 kit |
When asked about his post-Euro 2012 plans, the man who led German minnows Bayern Munich to the DFB Cup (14 years ago) said he would never walk away from his pension fund responsibilities as Republic of Ireland manager, and that he was looking forward to a long, drawn-out battle with Sweden for the right to play Norway in a World Cup 2014 play-off.
"In Lombardy," he elaborated, "we have a proverb which goes, 'when your brother's goat is winking at you, don't kiss your mother on the chin.'"
This proved too much for some of the congregated press pack, with housewives' favourite Eamon Dunphy rudely interrupting, "You're nothing but a braggart, Trap. You hear me? A primitive, over-paid Methuselah..." To which Trap, an avid Smiths fan, replied, "You-a shut your mouth. How can-a you say I go about things-a the wrong way?" Dunphy was promptly escorted from the premises by a jubilant John Delaney, who offered to buy everyone a round of Tuborg from a nearby offo.
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| I was looking for a job and then I found a job... |
Talk soon turned back to football, with Trap's translator assistant Marco Tardelli fielding most of the questions. The former Arezzo (Serie E) boss was keen to talk up the Republic's chances in June, pointing out that Vincente del Bosque, Cesare Prandelli, and Slavan Bilic were all taking us so seriously that they had sent scouts to Pride Park to run the rule over anonymous midfielder Paul Green.
"Really?" querried a bemused Emmet Malone.
"Nah, I'm just messing with you," Tardelli replied to uproarious laughter.
"But do we really have a chance?" asked Aidan Fitzmaurice of The (Independent News and Media's) Evening Herald.
"There are many variables," replied Tardelli. "If, for instance, Simon Cox can take his West Brom Reserve from into the tournament we have every chance. Failing that, there's always Plan B."
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| Plan B |
